O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
