i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
