guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
how does that bad decision feel?
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