I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
