wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
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It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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