You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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