went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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