I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
