She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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