Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
