I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Your mouth is God's brothel.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
