i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
