she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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