It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
