the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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