Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
