I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
