you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish you could order shots online.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
