So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
