oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
