but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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