I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
