His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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