he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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