Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I will be naked everywhere
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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