a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
