I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
