the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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