last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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