I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
