Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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