she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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