People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
