I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
