I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
