Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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