So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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