margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
