I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dick very happy bro
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
