I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
