this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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