he puts the penis in happiness.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
