No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
