It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
