I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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