we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
