and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
