My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
