it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
