sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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