So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
