Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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