Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
