How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
