But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Life is so much better after having sex.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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