I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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