I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
