i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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