I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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