Capitaan dildo arrescate!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
