i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
