I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
