Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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