I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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