I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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