so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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