i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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