Christians are straight up FREAKS
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
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And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
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We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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