i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm too high and old for this...
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