the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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