I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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