If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize