we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
How's work?
Spinning.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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