dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
