I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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