census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Girls should come with a carfax report
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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