I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
