after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
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Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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